Reflections while Grieving

Musings from the Garden

By Peggy Wyar

I lost my older brother. I knew the state in which he resided. I knew he was being cared for by professional strangers. I knew I would not be traveling to be with him. I grieve that I will never see him on the earth again.

I also learned that his neighbors loved him. They looked out for him. They were there when the ambulance came to take him to the trauma hospital. They spent time sitting with him as the ventilator breathed for him.

I was also sure that the Omnipresent God who is limitless in His power and love, and able to heal completely, was there with him. I knew the Lord saw all that was happening to my brother. He saw the wounds on the outside of his body and the wounds on the inside. He knew his heart and was able to reveal His love to my unconscious brother.

I may no longer see or talk with my brother, but I trust the Lord. Only He knows the outcome of those hidden conversations He had while my brother slept in his induced coma. I know my God is good.

So, I grieve and am comforted. I grieve what could have been with my brother if I had been more accepting of his uniqueness. I wasted too many years trying to put him in a box of what I thought was “normal brother”. I somehow was missing the amazing fact that, against all odds and by God’s plan, I even HAD a brother.

As I look through older photos, God began opening my eyes to the blessing that my brother had been in this family of mine. He loved me. He loved Mom and Dad. He loved my daughters and my husband. He loved his friends. He was a giver to whomever needed him.

He had his opinions and I had mine and they did not always mesh. That did not negate our connection as siblings and family for life. I loved him, and he loved me, and no amount of arguing or disagreeing would have ever changed that.

In my grief I am pouring out my heart to the Heavenly Comforter and receiving His cleansing for all the ways I may not have been as loving or forgiving towards my brother as the Lord would have wanted me to be. I wish I had not waited for my brother’s death to renew our relationship in this way.

It’s never too late to do the right thing, so I am determined to clean out the debris that may diminish the good memories of my brother. Since God stands outside of time, He’s always able to help me be merciful, to change my mind, to lay down bitterness, and to be grateful.

I do thank God for my brother, and I trust God to be gracious to him, knowing NO ONE deserves salvation. It is a gift given by a very good Creator to those who believe Him to be the Savior of the world. I’m not sure what my brother believed about Jesus, but his heart is well known by God. I am content to leave all that in God’s very capable Hands.

Colossians 3:12-15

“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.”